I hate your face
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
