the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
