either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
that is very illegal...i love you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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