Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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