then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
