Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
