i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
