***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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