Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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