dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize