I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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