There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?