Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.