could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.