i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
