we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
