All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
