It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
