I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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