she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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