i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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