thus making me awesome and them whores
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
birth control should be required to get into college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
