i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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