You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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