i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i died would you start the facebook group?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
