mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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