he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
