Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
