i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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