Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
