why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
