I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
