I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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