had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
