i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
