My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
