I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
