Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish you could order shots online.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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