So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
