just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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