I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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