Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
