I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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