Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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