He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
