absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
