her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
