ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I intend to get homeless drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
