I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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