Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
