Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
