yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
