Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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