im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
