I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
