his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
