Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
