wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
