That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
