They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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