Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
