It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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