put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
