I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
