North Korea, Best Korea!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
