At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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