Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
