No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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