with your own penis?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
